As They Salute the Mexican Flag

Stephen Guy Hardin

December 12, 2011

All students in the three elementary schools of California’s Lamont School District near Bakersfield have been required to recite the Pledge of Allegiance in English and Spanish. It is a practice that was instituted in 2002 by the counties Hispanic majority that has established political control over the school district.

Fred Molina, the Hispanic principal of Alicante School intoned, "I think you offer a great way for students to feel included, and it's the Pledge of Allegiance, no greater honor than to be able to say the Pledge of Allegiance in a second language." Especially if that second language is English.

Second language, indeed.

During the past decade thirty-five percent of the district’s students have been part of a mandatory bilingual program where instruction is fifty percent in English and fifty percent in Spanish. The eventual goal of eliminating the teaching of English from the school district’s curriculum was denied by school district authorities.

A few remaining non-Hispanic teachers have dared to speak out against the political agenda of the school board.

"One of the issues with it being in Spanish is that not everyone got a chance to voice their opinion doing it that way. Every time it was brought up for discussion, it was set aside and we never got a chance to vote for it or even discuss it any further," said teacher Barry Champagne. As brave as Mr. Champagne is to speak out against the anti-English agenda of the Hispanic majority his tenure in the school district would appear much in doubt.

But, I digress.

Assistant Superintendent Ricardo Robles told local KGET-TV he was unconcerned about any issues resulting from forcing children to recite the American Pledge of Allegiance in a foreign language.  Mr. Robles would not comment on rumors that children would eventually be required to recite the Mexican pledge of allegiance in English as they salute the Mexican flag.

Will Ron Paul Rain on Newt’s Parade?

By Stephen Guy Hardin

   December 13, 2011

Will Ron Paul rain on Newt Gingrich’s Iowa parade?

According to the latest polling numbers from the front the late season Gingrich surge may be spinning its wheels in the muddy cornfields of Iowa. An obvious pattern has formed in the GOP primary season. The newest GOP poll leader inevitably becomes the punching bag for everyone from their fellow GOP candidates to the media to everyone they have ever slept with or even thought about sleeping with.  That’s one of the problems with being a Republican; you’re expected to keep your pants on. 

But, I digress.

Pummeled on all sides by a barrage of attacks from friend and foe, Newt is starting to feel the pain, as well as the exhilaration, of being the lead dog. Feeling the effects of a ferocious media assault Gingrich’s favorability rating has dropped 19 points in the last week. Just as Gingrich picked up Herman Cain’s supporters when Cain quit the race, Ron Paul, employing a ground army of highly motivated activists, appears to be picking up Newt’s wayward supporters.

Wayward, indeed.

While Gingrich still holds his lead with 22% of the vote and Mitt Romney has maintained his death grip on the high teens, Ron Paul has steadily inched his way within striking distance, claiming 21% among likely Republican caucus voters. The bad news in this for Gingrich is that his support seems to be soft and susceptible to a last minute voting booth change of heart. Just 54% of Newt’s supporters polled say they’re certain to vote for him, while 77% and 67% say the same of Paul and Romney respectively.   This is a big enough gap to swing the voting dramatically and cripple the former Speaker as he heads into the wilds of New Hampshire.

Iowa is anyone’s contest to win and it is rarely indicative of the primaries. Huckabee won Iowa in 2008 and that was all you heard of him until Fox unveiled its new fall schedule.  But unlike the relatively unknown Huckabee, Ron Paul is in the middle of his third presidential primary campaign with an established national brand and an army of wide eyed activists who know where New Hampshire is. So, as Romney and Newt continue to eviscerate each other in the nation media it is unknown if Ron Paul will rain on Newt’s parade.

I Pledge Allegiance to the Mexican Drug Cartels

By Stephen Guy Hardin

October 17, 2011

What exactly has Rick Perry been doing in his Lone Star state?

Last month at Achieve Early College High School in McAllen, Texas, which is about ten miles from the U.S.-Mexico border, an intermediate Spanish class taught by Mexican born, first year teacher Reyna Santos made the students in her class stand up and recite the Mexican national anthem and Mexican pledge of allegiance as part their class assignment.

If that was not disgraceful enough her students were required as part of their indoctrination...I mean class assignment, to wear red, white and green, the national colors of Mexico, as they recited their pledge of allegiance to the sovereign drug cartels… uh, I mean state of Mexico.

To add national insult to national injury this exercise in cultural reeducation took place during “Freedom Week,” the week after the 10th anniversary of the Sept. 11 terror attacks, and on U.S. Constitution Day. Talk about inspired timing, eh?

When questioned by concerned American students Senora Santos commented, “I love Mexico.”

Be that as it may, if Senora Santos loves Mexico so much then perhaps she should steal the first burro she can find and trot the ten miles back into her heaven on earth. With her chauvinistic cultural pride there should be no doubt Senora Santos can easily pick up a worthy Mexican occupation. Perhaps as a drug mule or prostitute, these have always been considered honorable professions in the land below the Rio Grande or she could even use her English language skills recruiting for Hamas or al Qaeda in Central America.

But, I digress.

When American parents complained to the school principal, Yvette Cavazo and school district representative Mark May, both vigorously defended Senora Santos attempts at anti American programming, saying it’s a state requirement for high school language classes to teach about foreign culture especially when it involves redressing the evils of American social injustice.

Okay, I added that last part, but it’s not stretching the truth that much.

Whereas the state of Texas does list a set of classroom and lesson standards in which students are expected to gain “knowledge and understanding” of other cultures and use the language to demonstrate understanding of different practices and perspectives it is up to the individual teacher to create and implement the program with in their classroom.

“It wasn’t required to pledge loyalty and renounce the U.S., they were simply spreading the culture of another country,” May stated to the press. “In my mind it’s no different from memorizing a poem or memorizing a passage from Shakespeare.” 

Well, so much for Governor Perry’s Dream Act.

What better use of legal American taxpayer’s money than teaching high school students to pledge allegiance to a foreign country in its native language. I’m sure the teachers unions are very proud.

What’s next?

Sean Penn doing a semester as a visiting professor lecturing on the joys of Marxism?

Or perhaps Texans should expect their children to be taken on field trips to witness the workers paradises of Venezuela and Cuba?

Ah, I can see a worthy extra credit project as art students are required to make life-sized statues of our glorious leader, Barack Hussein Obama.

Glorious, indeed.

Mr. May put it best, “The students came away with a better understanding of the culture, heritage and customs of a neighboring country where Spanish is the primary language.”

It’s not the teaching of the culture, heritage and customs of a neighboring country I mind.

I mind the colonization and seeding of a morally corrupt and politically bankrupt third world culture of squalor and oppression by a people who have accepted the freedom of America as if it were a slap in the face.

Governor Perry accuses those who wish to preserve our sovereign borders and national culture from those who wish to undermine it of being heartless.

I feel it is more heartless to welcome wave after wave of illegal’s across our borders with the promise of slave like working conditions to fuel the Texas miracle and Mr. Perry’s political aspirations. It might be more apt to rename the hoax of the Texas miracle to the Texas Nightmare as Texans stand up and cant in unison, “I pledge allegiance to the Mexican Drug Cartels.”

Slick Willie Goes Gaga

By Stephen Guy Hardin

October 15, 2011

Former president and celebrated cigar aficionado Bill Clinton, who celebrated his 65th birthday back in August, threw himself an ‘any excuse to party’ party in a belated birthday bash and slush fund fund raiser.

Indulging in a three day orgy of narcissistic hedonism not known since those heady days of slumming with Monica, the former self proclaimed, ‘first black president’, sprinkled a dash of unprotected Hollywood sex with a pinch of old school Arkansas bestiality in the primordial ooze that passes for a weekend in Tinsel Town. Mr. Clinton reportedly had a high ole time tearing a new one in the modern capital of Gomorra.

Gomorra, indeed.

The former wunderkind of the New Democrats kicked the party off as Stevie Nicks waddled on stage just as she did for the president’s inauguration party back in the last century when Bill was still young and Hillary only had two chins. While age may have affected Ms. Nick’s ability to stay on pitch or walk straight in her eight inch platform boots it certainly hasn’t affected her ability to lull a crowd to sleep or make dogs howl.

Using the famed Hollywood Bowl as ground zero for this celebration of 65 years of political chicanery and moral debauchery every left wing celebrity from Usher and The Jane Fonda Singers to Somali rapper K'Naan pushed their way onto the stage. One of the highlights of the star studded evening was when Bono and The Edge secured a day pass from their rehab clinic to perform for Mr. Clinton and his attendant bevy of retired Playboy mansion cast offs.

Of course, as with all things Clinton, the bottom line is money.

It’s not enough to just be invited to the bash you have to cough up some dough to be allowed to kiss the ring of the emperor who had no clothes. Or at least no pants.  With ticket prices reportedly ranging from 100 K to 500 K the price of being photographed with one of the most morally ambiguous presidents in modern history has certainly risen with inflation. I’m sure the Obamas are taking careful notes.

But I digress.

In the left coast land of milk and honey and cocaine handing over a Gucci steamer trunk stocked with unmarked bills to gain entrée to Big Bill is easy enough, which is probably why the Clintons have always sucked up to Hollywood’s liberal elites. They always knew an easy mark when they saw them. Just ask Newt.

Other mildly famous left wing has beens who had an extra recyclable brown paper shopping bag of cash to pay their way into the party were former boy toy Ashton Kutcher, Ellen DeGeneres, Maria Bello, Colin Farrell and the king of failed progressive pratfalls, Chevy Chase.

But the cherry on the cake of the evening was when the latest progressive knock off of Madonna, Lady Gaga, performed the trademarked knock off of Madonna’s original knock off, Marilyn Monroe. Withering on stage in all her quasi erotic unattractiveness the Madonna / Marilyn wannabe performed the classic ‘Happy Birthday, Mr. President’ number for the JFK wannabe.

How fitting a tribute.

Slithering out of an all-white tree house, Lady Gaga sported a plastic blond hairdo, flaming red lips and a drug addled come-hither stare circa Marilyn Monroe, as she serenaded the semi flaccid former Arkansas governor altering several of her lyrics in a vain effort to affect Mr. Clinton’s ability to walk without a noticeable limp. Her most obvious lyrical nuance of the evening was when she juggled the title of ‘Bad Romance’ for ‘Bill Romance’ at which point Mr. Clinton began to giggle and beads of sweat began to accumulate on his spray tanned forehead.

"I thought, 'My God. I get Lady Gaga, and I will have a heart attack celebrating my 65th birthday'," Mr. Clinton remarked between gulps of Red Bull, Finlandia and Viagra.

"I am the only person in history who got to be president and then had a post-presidential birthday party attended by both Lady Gaga and the Secretary of State," Mr. Clinton joked on stage. "I want to thank Hillary because we met 40 years ago this year. When I met her, she was already doing the kind of work you see here long before it was cool."

Well, that’s if your idea of cool is massive government control over the lives of its citizens, conservatives being herded into reeducation camps and hiding your true sexual orientation then I guess Hillary would be the coolest babe in the politburo.

One thing you can say about Democrats, they know how to throw a party. And no one can throw a party better than Big Bill. When it comes to sex crazed, drug frenzied, compulsively risky behavior by the only impeached, amoral scalawag in the history of the United States than no Democrat this side of JFK can beat the Whitewater Kid as Slick Willie goes gaga.

The Prince Needs a Scotch and an Icecap

By Stephen Guy Hardin

September 19, 2011

Perhaps Prince Charles is suffering from the O.J. syndrome.  The stress and guilt of having arranged for the timely disposal of his ex wife has finally made the once and never king of England crack.  Or perhaps he’s always been a whack job and that’s why his royal mum keeps the crown jewels away from him.

Tough call, eh?

While giving his inaugural speech as the new President of the Worldwide Wildlife Fund (WWF) UK, Prince Charles has suggested 'surviving ourselves' should be a priority.

Referring to himself as “an endangered species”, he warned that the world is already in the “sixth extinction event”, with species dying out at a much quicker pace than at any time since the death of the dinosaurs during the reign of Queen Victoria.

Despite years of circling the globe on the British tax payers dime (or is it shilling?) crying wolf over the apocalypse that is manmade global warming, the prince said climate change was only one piece of the puzzle that will bring about the end of mankind on the planet. The “rapacious” destruction of natural resources such as water, land, food and broadband space is endangering the future survivability of the species.

“We are, of course, witnessing what some people call the sixth great extinction event – the continued erosion of much of the Earth’s vital biodiversity caused by a whole host of pressures, from the rising demand for land to the corrosive effects of all kinds of pollution," he said.

Pulling his pet gerbil, Nigel, from his trousers pocket, the prince exclaimed that man must maintain his spiritual connection to nature.  “It is the duty of man to protect the animal species of the Earth, except for snakes of course. Camilla can’t stand them, all slimy and such. Yuk”

After replacing Nigel in his trousers, the prince continued, “It may not seem to make much difference economically if the swallows, swifts and house martins no longer turn up each spring, but what would life be like if we just accepted their extinction because their habitats have been destroyed?”

Prince Charles follows in the noble footsteps of his father the Duke of Edinburgh who was also a president of the World Wildlife Fund UK and possibly even a bigger loon than his son. It has been reported that Queen Elizabeth has been very supportive of her husband and now her son’s environmental activism. Apparently the queen will support anything to get them both out of the castle and away from her.

The prince stated that the only way to protect wildlife and ultimately the human race is to substantially change the world economy so growth is not at the expense of nature and the planet.

He then referred to the urgent need for a “sustainability revolution” through the growth of national and global government to regulate and force people to change their lifestyles so they consume less fuel, food, land and other eco resources.

“As many of you will know, I have been harping on about these challenges for many years and although this leads to inevitable criticism from some quarters, I must tell you that I put up with it because the issues we face are so important. None of us must be afraid to be stand up and be counted.”

Counted, indeed.

But what is the global ‘Green’ lobby actually counting on? 

After years, even decades, of creating a climate of eco fear and climate panic the reality of the lies and distortions of the progressive movement are finally being revealed. 

In 2010, the United Nations’ climate science panel admitted that it made a mistake by claiming that the Himalayan glaciers could melt by 2035. The panel was forced to retract the statement within a matter of months when it was questioned by actual scientists and not a panel of politically ambitious globalists looking to get a UN pay raise and better office space.

Or how about the North Pole being completely ice free by the year 2014?

During a speech to an international gathering of masseurs in Copenhagen in 2009, former vice-president and now ‘Green’ uber millionaire, Al Gore claimed there was unimpeachable (funny word for Al to use, eh?) research showing there is a seventy-five per cent chance that the entire polar ice cap could be completely ice free within five to seven years unless immediate measures were taken. Of course such steps would include writing checks to Al Gore’s Save the Ice Caps Foundation LLC, Al Gore’s Adopt a Polar Bear Fund LLC and Al Gores Polar Ice Caps Are Our Friends LLC.

But, I digress.

Dr. Wieslav Maslowski, of the Naval Postgraduate School in Monterey, California, the climatologist whose work the prediction was based on, stated he was clear that he never expected the area to be completely ice free.  He stated, “I was very explicit that we were talking about near ice free conditions and not completely ice free conditions in the northern ocean." When further questioned about the terms ‘near ice free’ and ‘not completely ice free’, the good doctor said the term ‘ice free’ was scientific lexicon for completely frozen.

But these are only facts and facts have never stopped a liberal from their zealous mission of sacrificing freedoms and liberties upon the altar of their monolithic god, the centralized state. Any lie is fair game and any fear is well founded if it will promote the progressive agenda of more regulation, more taxation, more government and less freedom.

Whether it be the pretty, but vapid cadre of international celebrities crowing about trading in their Porsches for Prius’and wearing meat dresses to protest for animal rights or the Heartbreak Kid of 2000 screaming that the debate is over while cashing your checks or the antiquated remnants of the morally bankrupt European aristocracy lecturing the peasants on their extravagant middle class lifestyles the message is still the same.

We know what is best for you.

So as vice presidents, movie stars and dukes cover their eyes and stop up their ears to the inevitability of their fraud, as it is being revealed, the shock of disclosure will become too much for some of them to bear. Witness the repeated public meltdowns of Al Gore as he flees from the growing chorus of questions and doubts about his religion of manmade climate change.

But in the truest stiff upper lip tradition of the English nobleman, I’m sure when questioned, Prince Charles will soldier on, chins up with hairpiece intact, until he arrives back at his castle. Calling his valet, using the third person vernacular so prevalent among our betters, we might hear him say, “The Prince needs a scotch and an icecap.”

i-Phones for Cell Block C

By Stephen Guy Hardin

September 18, 2011

Lawmakers in the California statehouse voted this week to impose steep fines and other stiff penalties for state prisoners caught possessing illegal cell phones.

The smuggling and selling of illegal cell phones has grown to phenomenal proportions in recent years within the California penal system. In some instances inmates have been known to pay almost 1000 dollars or in the prevalent currency of the California prison system, 74,000 pesos and your sisters phone number.

"We know they've been used to organize street gangs, traffic drugs and intimidate witnesses," said state Sen. Alex Padilla (D-Pacoima), author of the bill, which the Assembly approved 74 to 0. “But since most of the inmates are contributors to the Democrat National Committee we felt hesitant to remove their only source for calling in contributions.”

Under the new law smuggling cell phones into prisons would be punishable by up to six months in jail, a $5,000 fine and having your cell cable station restricted to 24 hours of the Oprah Network. 

Restricted, indeed.

The state senate approved the measure only after receiving assurances that the inmates could now mail in their contributions to the Obama reelection campaign.  California’s bachelor governor, Jerry Brown, who as California’s attorney general was outspoken about the dangers posed by inmates with cell phones unless it was proved they had a record of voting Democrat, is expected to pass the bill once he returns from a child pornography fact finding mission in Thailand with his personal assistant/ valet/ masseuse Pablo.

But, I digress.

The issue had recently gained notoriety when former community organizer and mass murderer Charles “Chuckie”Manson was found with several cell phones in his possession.  Apparently Mr. Manson’s illicit use of these contraband phones had gone unnoticed by prison officials until Mr. Manson began organizing a call bank for the reelection of Democrat California Senator Dianne ‘Squeaky’ Feinstein. 

In addition the ACLU has threatened a lawsuit against the state of California stating that denying criminal’s use of cell phones is a denial of their basic human rights and inhibits the inmate’s ability to manage their various business interests outside of prison.  A statement issued by an unnamed source with the famed civil rights litigation organization claimed,

“The ACLU will not rest until all prisoners in the California penal system not only have access to illegal cell phones, but also have the right to illegally hack into the cell phones of others. We will not rest until we have protected the criminal’s constitutional right to have illegal cell phones.  The motto of our campaign will be “I –Phones for Cell Block D!”

Or is it a Jon? 

By Stephen Guy Hardin

August 2, 2011

Talk about inspiring confidence.

For the second time in several weeks Huntsman 2012 campaign materials have been sent out misspelling the candidate's first name. 

Instead of spelling the former Utah governors name as Jon Huntsman, it has issued campaign literature and press releases spelling his name John Huntsman. Oops.

Governor Huntsman is heading back to New Hampshire to try and right his slowly sinking campaign ship which has included his campaign manger being let go as well as a muddled message and a noticeable lack of traction in GOP voter polls.  In addition some of the released Huntsman 2012 campaign mailers mangled a story written about the candidate by the Wall Street Journal.

The mailer quotes the newspaper as calling Huntsman “The Conservative Problem Solver.” The Wall Street Journal piece actually quoted Huntsman himself: “When people look at what we’ve done,” he says, “they’re going to say, ‘He’s a conservative problem solver.’ I’m going to point people in the direction of what we’ve done as governor. I’m pro-life, strongly pro-Second Amendment. I think there are enough voters who will say, ‘I may not like everything, but there’s enough here to like.’”

"... but there's enough here to like."

Wow, there a sterling endorsement.  I can almost see the new campaign slogans for this fall.

“Vote for me because I’m okay.”

“I’m the man to fix this country’s problems even though I can’t get my campaign staff to spell my first name correctly.”

Queer Eye for the Teacher

By Stephen Guy Hardin

July 6, 2011

California lawmakers in the once great Bear Flag Republic have cut another notch in the bedpost of progressive political buggery.  As the National Educators Association crouch in the men’s rooms stalls of the capitol the state legislature passed a bill that would make California the first state in the U.S. to mandate teaching school children to celebrate the cultural richness and societal contributions of gay and lesbian history in public schools.

The bill, passed on a strict party-line vote, adds lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender people as well as people with disabilities to the list of groups that schools must include in their lesson plans. It would also outlaw any material that portrays gays in a realistic… I mean negative light.

An amendment that did not make the final cut was a bill to educate school children on the evils of conservatism and how Ronald Reagan was a closet Nazi who made Nancy sing the Horst Wessel song when he was feeling blue.

Tom Ammiano, a Democrat assemblyman from San Francisco and part time Botox sales rep, said the SB48 bill was crucial because of the bullying targeted at gay students, as well as the need to educate future generations of males on the need to mix and match accessories properly. 

Speaker John Perez, the first openly gay speaker of the California Assembly and part time Jimmy Hoffa impersonator, said, “This bill will require California schools to present a more accurate and nuanced view of American history in our social science curriculum by recognizing the accomplishments of groups that are not often recognized. Unless you watch any network or cable television show or attend any Lady Gaga concert.”

Ah, yes, leave it to the Democrat Party to find another way to divide, separate and compartmentalize Americans.  Divide and conquer in the name of fairness, cultural diversity and social justice should be spray painted  on the  DNC platform right up there with underage abortion on demand, income redistribution, open borders and reeducation camps.

But, I digress.

In an effort to increase support for the bill Hollywood actor and purveyor of Russian prostitutes, Sean Penn, publicly endorsed the bill by invoking the name of murdered San Francisco politician and Hollywood gay icon, Harvey Milk,

” I think all California children should be forced to celebrate their own inherent gayness. In my next life I want to come back as Harvey Milk so I can embrace the gayness I missed out on because I was tragically born a heterosexual!”

When a member of the assembled media reminded Mr. Penn that Harvey Milk was dead and thus unable to allow Mr. Penn to reenter his body, the Hollywood bad boy suffered a minor emotional meltdown.  After flailing his arms about and screaming about Hugo Chavez’s rectal cancer and that Scarlett Johansson wouldn’t know a real man if she saw one Mr. Penn was led away from the microphones by his handlers into his waiting Hummer limousine.

Hummer, indeed.

The bill will now go to the desk of Governor Jerry Brown, a Democrat, who, while never having married, is well known for his love of cats and Goth vampire graphic novels. While the governor has not indicated whether he will sign the bill into law, his office issued a statement saying he will call a special hot tub meeting of his all male staff to brainstorm the issues over a nice merlot and a little brie. Former governor Arnold Schwarzenegger vetoed a similar bill in 2006 citing his strict Austrian upbringing, his long career pumping up with other men and his inability to say the word homosexual without spitting.

Republican assemblyman Tim Donnelly, who is known for his nervous eye twitching every time the word homosexual is spoken out loud, said he was offended as a Christian that the bill was being used to promote a 'homosexual agenda' in public schools.

“I think its one thing to say that we should be tolerant. It is something else altogether to say that my children are going to be taught that this lifestyle is good,” he said between twitches. “I think it is morally wrong to teach boys how to speak in a lisp and wear mascara!”

California law already requires schools to teach about women, African Americans, Satan worshipers, Mexican Americans, the joys of bestiality, Asian Americans, the evils of European Americans, American Indians, labor union thugs and the wonderment that is George Soros.

Over the years the California legislature has also enforced agenda driven lessons about the Irish potato famine, the Holocaust, the stealing of black music by whitey and the fascism of circumcision, just to name a few.

SB48 would require the California Board of Education and local school districts to adopt sexually graphic textbooks, upload gay and transgender porn and purchase various and sundry gay learning tools that will allow children to fully appreciate the fruits of gaydom. These materials would also include a vast array of dresses for boys from K through 5 to try on and wear during class as a means to reconnect with the warmth of their mother’s womb. Additional funding would also be made available for leather craft workshops for advanced students who show a special aptitude.

The bill's author, Senator Mark Leno, no relation to Jay, dismissed arguments that the bill promotes certain sexual behaviors and said it was important to put gay awareness where it belonged- in kindergarten. Senator Leno also implied that it was time that California school children followed the example of President Obama and accepted their inherent gayness even if they had to disguise it as metrosexuality.

“Bottom line, it's only beneficial to share with students the broad diversity of the human experience and that our democracy protects everyone,” he said. “Everyone except Republicans, conservatives, Christians, gun owners, and anyone who didn’t vote for Barack Obama.”

Church and conservative groups throughout the state have warned the bill will drive more parents to take their children out of public schools. Which considering the state of the government run school system in California would not be the worst thing for anyone’s children.  At least with your kids going to private schools you wouldn’t have to worry about your kids developing a queer eye for the teacher.

(John, Yoko and Dick Nixon’s Just Like) Starting Over

By Stephen Guy Hardin

June 29, 2011

Okay, just when you thought it was safe to go back into the water, John Lennon is labeled as a closet Republican and avid Reagan supporter.

What next?

The Monkees didn’t write their own music? Jim Morrison was a member of The John Birch Society?

Jimi Hendrix worked the phones for Goldwater in ’64? Malcolm X voted for Nixon in 1960?

Oswald was the lone gunman? Vince Foster really did commit suicide?

My head spins at the possibilities.

But, I digress.

Fred Seaman, who worked briefly as one Lennon’s flunkies from 1979 until his murder in 1980 claims that Lennon "was a Ronald Reagan fan who enjoyed arguing with left-wing radicals who reminded him of his former self."

In a new documentary on the Beatles that Seaman is shopping around, he tells filmmaker Seth Swirsky that Lennon wasn't the peace-loving militant that he had cultivated as his popular image.

He says, "John, basically, made it very clear that if he were an American he would vote for Reagan because he was really sour on (Democrat) Jimmy Carter.”  Well, that’s not exactly an indication that Lennon was a Republican. Hell, even Rosalyn Carter voted against Jimmy, but then again she really knew him.

Seaman goes on, "He'd met Reagan back, I think, in the 70s at some sporting event... Reagan was the guy who had ordered the National Guard, I believe, to go after the young (peace) demonstrators in Berkeley, so I think that John maybe forgot about that... He did express support for Reagan, which shocked me.”

I’m not sure how shocking Lennon’s so-called Reagan conversion should be considering who he was married to, being a closet Reagan supporter pales in comparison to a Beatle marrying someone who considered thrashing about onstage in a brown paper bag as art.

Brown paper bag, indeed.

"He was a very different person back in 1979 and 80 than he'd been when he wrote Imagine. By 1979 he looked back on that guy and was embarrassed by that guy's naiveté," Seaman said.

Yes, well, it’s not hard to imagine Lennon being embarrassed by some of the asinine behavior he displayed during his sleep in for peace days, but being called out as a Reagan supporter over thirty years after his murder by a short term assistant with a shady past is a little much, even for me.

I’ll believe Lennon was a Reagan supporter when Yoko petitions New York City to change the name of the Central Park area of Strawberry Fields to George W. Bush Gardens.

I’ll go along with the idea that Lennon turned from the dark side and came over to the light when Paul McCartney publicly proclaims that every album he’s done since Band on the Run has been total crap and he’s only in it for the money.

I’ll buy the idea that Lennon morphed from being a drug smoking, rich, spoiled anarchist to a conservative Republican when Yoko goes public with the inside scoop that  John and Yoko’s last album was dedicated to Richard Nixon’s post Watergate image rehabilitation.

Yeah, well, none of that’s going to happen but just imagine how tasty that album cover would be and of course there’s the title, (John, Yoko and Dick Nixon’s Just Like) Starting Over.

A Little Presidential Petroleum Petting

By Stephen Guy Hardin

June 28, 2011

Word has leaked from low level sources within the White House that President Obama sent a high level, covert apology team to the king of Saudi Arabia to ask permission to release thirty million barrels of American oil from the American Strategic Petroleum Reserve. A second, perhaps more important, aim of this political overture was to appease the Saudi king for any bruised feelings he may have suffered due to President Obama’s negligence in responding to King Abdullah’s, or Abbie to his male fiends, numerous phone calls, texts and Facebook messages.

Saudi Arabia and their OPEC minions have traditionally objected to efforts by the United States to achieve any type of oil independence, which includes efforts by the U.S. to manage its own strategic oil reserves without first obtaining Saudi approval. 

After eight years of hand holding and light petting from George W. Bush, the Saudi king has felt neglected from an Obama administration that has played hard to get to the point of being a tease.  After an initial period of courtship after President Obama was inaugurated there has been a noticeable alienation of affection from the White House.

In May of this year, in an effort to make up for any perceived feelings of rejection, the president sent a secret diplomatic envoy to King Abdullah, or Abbie to his close male friends, bearing a gift of the latest Tupac CD compilation for the kings listening and rapping pleasure. It was also reported that First Lady Michelle Obama included in this diplomatic package a framed 8 x 10 color glossy of Reverend Jeremiah Wright in a ‘fatherly’ embrace with a young Barack for the kings photo album of American presidents.

In an obvious yet subtle display of affection, King Abdullah, or Abbie to his close male friends, gave President Obama permission to release American domestic oil reserves just this one time.  But in a sternly worded note the king has expressed his disgruntlement at Barack’s personal aloofness and he fully expects some of that Bush loving that the Saudi’s have come to expect from American presidents.

Michelle Needs Her Fat

By Stephen Guy Hardin

June 27, 2011

In her ongoing effort to reform the eating habits of fat, lazy Americans First Lady Michelle Obama queued up to the local Botswana Hard Fat Café to sample the local fare.  Mrs. Obama answered reporter’s questions concerning the need for global nutrition and dietary controls between mouthfuls of French fries and fat cakes.

Before leaving the eatery to begin the next leg of her culinary tour Mrs. Obama grabbed a large take out box of deep fried sausages and more fat cakes.

The locals welcomed the First Lady's visit at first but quickly became disgruntled when Mrs. Obama bought out two days of food and only left a ten percent tip.

Sizwe Moeketsi, one of the hungry villagers, said: “I am very proud of her visit, even for the restaurant as well, it will improve, it is a mileage as well because if they can use her trip very well, it can even upgrade their profile. But I am upset that she and her people ate all of our food.  Where will our children get their fat cakes and deep fried sausages now?”

This is not the first time Mrs. Obama has been criticized for eating out of both sides of her mouth.

Earlier this year Mrs. Obama was criticized for stuffing a staggering 2200 calorie meal into the mouths of state governors at a White House gala. When questioned about the dichotomy of her position Mrs. Obama replied, “Federal nutrition restrictions and government mandated eating habits are important to keep the masses under our dietary controls, but Michelle needs her fat.”

Huntsman Fakes One for the Gipper

By Stephen Guy Hardin

June 22, 2011

President Obama’s former ambassador to China, Utah’s former Governor, Ralph Lauren’s former photo shoot double and the third most powerful Mormon in America, Jon Huntsman, has entered the fray for the 2012 GOP presidential nomination.

During his official campaign announcement the former governor pledged to make the “hard decisions” that are required to deal with America’s debt. Governor Huntsman also vowed to make every effort to appear to be a conservative until the day after he is elected president.

“I’m a candidate for the office of president of the United States of America,” Huntsman said, speaking before a surly crowd of reporters, photographers and media consultants with the Statue of Liberty used as a prominent stage prop.

In a less than subtle attempt to transpose the emotional presence of President Ronald Reagan onto his soon to be still born campaign, Governor Huntsman chose the exact location of President Reagan’s 1980 campaign announcement to stage his media event.  Though unlike President Reagan, Mr. Huntsman required the use of the Queens, Brooklyn and Manhattan Yellow Pages to ensure he could be seen over the top of the podium.

Yellow Pages, indeed.

Posing in front of his campaign banner, which at first glance was reminiscent of a Tommy Hilfiger label, Governor Huntsman twisted himself into a veritable pretzel in his efforts to channel the ghosts of great conservatives past. 

Quoting passages from Ronald Reagan speeches with the same level of sincerity that Barack Obama uses when he reads passages from The Constitution to one of Reverend Wrights Sunday School classes, the former governor and garage band aficionado tweaked the timber of his voice as he bemoaned the state of America under the administration of his friend and mentor, Barack Obama.

“For the first time in our history, we are passing down to the next generation a country that is less powerful, less compassionate, less competitive and less confident than the one we got,” Huntsman said. “This, ladies and gentlemen, is totally unacceptable and totally un-American.”

“We must make hard decisions that are necessary to avert disaster,” the former governor said, as he brushed back his gray locks and fixed the spellbound bevy of photographers with the infamous Huntsman stare that made him a household name in Utah.

But I digress.

Tough talk from a governor who, though popular in Utah, was known for his moderate policies and cool motocross costumes. Indeed, until recently, Obama’s man in China has been an outspoken admirer of the furthest left president since FDR and his potential Democrat opponent in 2012, at one point even complimenting the president,

“I mean, you got the first mainstream African-American who is articulate and bright and clean and a nice-looking guy.”  Oops, that was Joe Biden’s quote about Obama. Well, Joe Biden or Jon Huntsman, same difference, eh?

Though, to be fair, every GOP candidate and candidate in waiting from Newt to Mitt to Michele to Sarah is attempting to channel the spirit of the greatness of Ronald Reagan.  Its politics as usual and just another day in the Republican Party primaries as Huntsman fakes one from the Gipper.

By Stephen Guy Hardin

June, 14, 2011

Rep. Barney Frank (D-Mass.) read a prepared statement to reporters Tuesday saying that he's in no position to judge the hotness… uh, lurid actions of fellow east coast liberal Democrat and part time Vogue wannabe, Anthony Weiner (D-New York).

"Given these circumstances, where I was myself engaged in activity I shouldn't have been … I just don't think it's appropriate for me to set myself up as the judge of others," Frank told reporters in the Capitol Tuesday.

Rep. Frank said he would not excuse himself if it comes up for a vote in the House, "but to step up and appoint myself a judge of other people based on my own past, I just don't think it's appropriate."

Appropriate, indeed.

During those madcap Reagan years Barney became the poster boy of what happens when you lose sight of why you came to Washington, after getting ensnared in his own wicked little sex scandal. In an obvious display of political arrogance Barney solicited sex from a male prostitute and former Village People impersonator Stephen Gobie, and in a pathetic effort to keep Stephen from ending the relationship Barney hired him as his live-in maid ...I mean aide and driver.

It later came to light after Mr.Gobie, apparently in a pique of rage, went to the Washington Times with sordid tales of running a male prostitution ring out of Barney’s dungeon…I mean basement.

While a House Ethics Committee investigation cleared Barney of any illegalities, it did find that he had used the powers of his office to grease the wheels for his boy toy. In 1990, the House voted overwhelmingly to reprimand Frank – a lesser punishment than the censure and expulsion some Republicans were advocating at the time, but still not as exciting as the spanking Barney had been expecting from several of his favorite closeted Democrats.

But, I digress.

"In my own case, I welcomed – and asked for – a full Ethics investigation, because I did think that I had been accused of some things that I did that I shouldn't have done, and some things that I didn't do that no one should have done," Frank said. “I am also glad that we didn’t have camera phones back then or I would still be in jail.”

When further pressed to pass judgment upon Rep.Weiner’s’ behavior, the liberal Democrat from Massachusetts displayed his well know anger and stormed away from reporters leaving his lone press aide to respond, “Sorry, guys. I told you Barney won’t bite on Weiner.”

The Era of Cain

By Stephen Guy Hardin

June 5, 2011

One of my biggest reasons for supporting the long shot GOP nomination drive of Herman Cain is that it puts the Democrats on the race defensive, which is where they belong.  It is a well know and often stated fact within the conservative political community that the Democrat Party is the party of hate, racial division and racial prejudice.

It is the entrenched operational doctrine of the Democrat Party to label, separate and segregate Americans based solely upon their race, religion, and sexual orientation. The party of Jefferson Davis, Bull Connor, Robert Byrd, Lester Maddox, Albert Gore, Sr. and Al Sharpton, to name just a few, has streamlined the principle of divide and conquer into a monolith of racial oppression and political suppression. The more Democrats, with the gleefully willing help of the progressive national media, can create false coalitions of pseudo oppressed victims, the longer they can maintain their grip on the voting booth and their death grip on the American dream of life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness.

The increasingly high profile of Mr. Cain, as well as the explosion of fellow Republican Allen West onto the national political scene, is proving that the real vision for the future of the American black community is being revealed on the right. The true voice of black political and economic empowerment is growing too strong to be ignored.  The only political party in the United States that offers the African-American culture any chance for survival is the party of Lincoln, the Republican Party.

A recent Gallup poll showed Cain with the highest voter intensity score of any Republican presidential contender.  Looking at the numbers, Cain is beating out the top tier of presumed GOP front runners from Palin to Romney. Cain’s name recognition has risen 16 points since March and with each passing day and each thundering sound bite the Cain star is on the ascendant.

After being declared the winner in the first GOP debate in South Carolina last month and then winning the straw polls at the Tea Party Patriots convention in February and the Conservative Values Conference in Iowa in March, a noticeable change of momentum has begun to shape the perception of the political novice from outside the D.C. establishment.

While many of the so-called professional political talking heads dismiss any real chance of Mr. Cain getting the GOP nomination he is pushing all the right buttons for an electorate that is weary of the barely concealed yellow, liberal streak that has permeated the Grand Old Party. The level of excitement for Herman Cain’s out spoken conservatism has highlighted what has been missing in the Republican Party since John McCain drove us off the cliff in 2008.

But I digress.

Herman Cain’s strong conservative stances has stood him well within the ranks of Tea Party activists nationwide, who have grown frustrated and angry at being labeled racists by a progressive national media dedicated  to reelecting Barack Obama.  The Tea Party, far from being the racist reactionaries that the east coast liberal media elites wish they were, recognize the promise and the real hope for an America based on values and individual liberty that a Cain presidency would represent.

 “Tea party people love him,” said Jenny Beth Martin, the co-founder of Tea Party Patriots. “He’s not a senator or a governor. He’s just a mister.”

After witnessing the soul killing, cultural destruction sown upon countless generations of African-American families by a Democrat political agenda, whose sole purpose was the generational enslavement of a permanent voting bloc, a growing number of leaders within the black community are standing up, speaking out and fighting to take back the political future of their people.

In a history fraught with enslavement, persecution, prejudice and injustice, the hope for the future lies not with more entitlements and more false promises, but with the realization of true political freedom. The only path to true political freedom is through the removal of the yoke of political enslavement placed upon the black culture by the Democrat Party.

Political enslavement, indeed.

In the years to come people will look upon this time in our history, not as the age of Obama and the hypocrisy of his campaign promises, but the rising up of black conservatives, the rebirth of a proud people who have been oppressed by the party claiming to speak for them and the beginning of the era of Cain.

That New ZiL Smell

By Stephen Guy Hardin

June 2, 2011

Ah, it’s good to be the king.

Leaning back into the deep, plush leather seats of “The Beast”, sipping Courvoisier Cognac VSOP from a cut glass tumbler, Louis XVI…. I mean President Obama, inhales the heady aroma of that new car smell.  Such wonderful moments of silent reflection are rare for the man in the throes of a revolution to dethrone America from its global pinnacle.  If only Michele would stay home more often.

A new report from an independent watchdog group shows that the number of limousines owned by the US government rose by 73 percent during the first two years of President Barack Obama's administration. A deeper analysis of General Services Administration data reveals the federal fleet has increased from 238 limos in 2008-the last year of the Bush Administration- to 412 limos in 2010.

For its part, the Obama administration issued a statement stating that the increased number of limousines in the federal fleet reflects "an enhanced effort to protect diplomats and other government officials in a dangerous world."

Dangerous world, indeed.

Well, dangerous if you are not part of the ruling bureaucratic elite.

But, I digress.

While the pampered officials of the Obama administration are enjoying that new limo smell food stamp usage by Americans reached a new high last month as more than 44 million people relied upon the government benefit to purchase groceries for their families.

The latest report issued by the Supplemental Nutrition Assistance Program (SNAP) on May 31 showed that just under 14.5% of the American public received food stamp benefits. This works out to be $133.24 per person or in Obamaspeak $133.24 per vote, which by Democrat Party standards is clearance sale pricing.

In 2010, the total number of people on the SNAP food stamp program broke the 40 million mark, and in the first five months of 2011, that number has grown over 10%. As the progressive economic policies of the Obama administration continue to ensure high unemployment rates more individuals and families have been forced onto the food stamp dole.

I wonder if the irony has not been lost on Barack Obama.

Praised breathlessly to the point of homoerotic suffocation by the leftist media for his preternatural intuitive skills and his ravishingly superior intellect, Mr. Obama must surely recognize the dichotomy of driving around the traffic jams of the proletariat in the nomenklatura lane, just as his Politburo idols did back in the good old days, while the peasants queue up for their food rations at government stores.

It must provide some small measure of consolation to the once and future king as he drives by his legions of disillusioned Obamamaniacs, who are still clothed in the tattered remains of 2008 campaign garb promising Hope and Change, that even though the dreams of his father to deconstruct the white man’s greed has failed, at least Barack can lean back and enjoy that new ZiL smell.

Picking Up On Pawlenty

By Stephen Guy Hardin

May 24, 2011

Former Minnesota Governor Tim Pawlenty has made it official. He is now an official candidate for the Republican Party presidential nomination in 2012.  Whew, that’s a load off my mind. The suspense was driving me crazy.

Tim Pawlenty may not have the big money donors of Romney or the Tea Party zeal of Bachmann or the rock star persona of Palin, but don’t dismiss his candidacy out of hand by thinking he doesn’t have a shot at the brass ring. Behind that low key demeanor is a seasoned politician who has an impressive background of winning and governing.

Twice elected governor of Minnesota, one of the oddest political arenas in the union, with a very strong Democrat Party machine in place, Al Franken is their senator after all; Pawlenty put together an effective combination of mixing mostly conservative positions on economic and social issues while working with Democrat majorities in the legislature to close deficits without across the board tax hikes. But unlike Palin, he served out his first term as governor and unlike Romney he got re-elected and served out his second term.

Perhaps one of Pawlenty’s biggest strengths is that he is a Midwesterner with strong blue-collar roots which can be marketed in striking contrast to the aristocratic upbringing of Mitt Romney, who is the GOP frontrunner and currently Pawlenty’s biggest obstacle to the nomination.

Along with his Middle America background Pawlenty has developed a strong base within the evangelical Christian political activist community due in large part to his own stated religious beliefs as well as the shifting GOP political scenery.

The political and financial commitment of the numerous evangelical Christian groups within the GOP fold had been the sole intellectual property of Mike Huckabee. But when faced with the prospect of losing his time slot on Fox forced Huckabee to choose between a new mansion in Florida or eating at truck stops in New Hampshire the choice for the former Arkansas governor and diet spokesman was clear. Pawlenty had worked hard to carefully position himself to reap the rewards of a Huckabee withdrawal so subsequently he became the biggest benefactor of Huckabee’s new found love for beachfront property.

But I digress.

While these assets should bode well for a Pawlenty run in the conservative dominated Republican primaries the reality of the media’s contempt for his fly over country appeal could backfire on him. Outside of his home region the governors name recognition has been consistently low while the scene stealers of the GOP have been out front grabbing all of the big headlines.

As he hovers near the bottom of most national polls Pawlenty has fallen far behind the Romney money machine, which is critical to the long term marketability of any primary run. This lack of media pyrotechnics can severely affect the fundraising capabilities of the campaign and cripple it before it can gain any momentum going into the fall.

Another potential issue for Pawlenty as the primary season heats up is the very real danger of falling prey to the GOP version of the 'Al Gore Effect'. During his 2000 presidential run Gore gained a national reputation for putting babies and the elderly to sleep with his tedious dictum as he recounted his numerous mythical accomplishments and fantastical delusions all with the alacrity of a tree stump.

As with Gore, Pawlenty knows how to work a small crowd, but when he assumes the position in front of a bank of cameras he takes on the personality of the nerdy kid in a John Hughes movie who couldn’t ramp up the courage to ask Molly Ringwald to the prom. Though, unlike Gore, who often affected a flatulent, buffoonish self infatuation, Governor Pawlenty appears to morph into a WASPish version of the ‘70’s era Woody Allen, only without the glasses, red hair and an affinity for underage Asian girls. While this image works great in the local Rotary Club it is not the image that can be successfully packaged and marketed to the American people as the strong leader we need for these dark and fearsome times.

But appearances aside, Pawlenty has shown himself to be a tough, resourceful politician and as Romney increasingly struggles with the label of being an Obama-lite Republican from the Northeast, there could be an opening for a man representing the values of the great heartland of America.  Unlike Romney, Pawlenty has an established record of being a strong conservative on the social and fiscal issues that have become the litmus test for the GOP faithful.

Litmus test, indeed.

In his announcement speech, Pawlenty put himself out on the firing line as a man willing to tell it like it is and do the heavy lifting requited to set the country back on the right track. Part of his strategy is to present a clear choice of opposites between himself and President Obama, as well as differentiate himself from Romney who is increasingly playing defense over the failure of Romney-care in Massachusetts.

Walking the walk Pawlenty-style is putting Wall Street on notice that he opposes corporate bailouts and will keep them on a short lease, telling senior citizens the hard truths about the future of social security and Medicare, and letting voters in the pivotal early state of Iowa know that he is against ethanol subsidies. Gutsy talk for a lackluster guy from Saint Paul, but politics has a long and storied history of pulling surprises on the electorate. Can anyone say Barack Obama?

So, I’m not sure that we should count the former governor out yet. If he gets a good turnout in Iowa and New Hampshire, a much needed boost from the conservative base and some mistakes by the frontrunners we could start seeing a new frontrunner emerge as the media and the electorate start picking up on Pawlenty.

Red Bull Journalism

By Stephen Guy Hardin

March 24, 2011.

So, I'm watching the video of a Canadian reporter covering the latest bit of silliness from the front lines of our latest Mideast military fiasco, this time in Libya. Well, he said it was Libya, but considering the well earned reputation of the main stream Liberal media, he could be reporting from the beach volleyball sand pit of the Hilton in the Grand Caymans.

But, I digress.

Even on my best days I can be verbally challenged, but even at my highest state of inebriation, I could put together what passed for a few logical sentences.  But I'm not a highly overpaid, ego inflated, self righteous gas bag.

Well, I'm not highly overpaid.

Toronto's Global News swiftly reported that Mark McAllister had suffered a minor medical issue and went on to say:

"While on the air during the 6:00 PM News Hour broadcast on Monday, March 21, Global Toronto reporter Mark McAllister suffered a minor medical issue causing him to experience a moment of disorientation. Paramedics were immediately called to the scene, where Mark was fully checked out and is feeling better. As a precaution, Mark will be pursuing this matter with his own doctor."

Though no accurate transcript could be found of Mr. McAllisters verbal meltdown, after all it's pretty difficult to transcribe baby talk, the general consensus is he was babbling like Joe Biden, before he gets his Xanax and vodka magical morning elixir. The actual video is still available on You Tube and is highly entertaining. I highly recommend it, especially after a couple of drinks.

About a month ago L.A. Entertainment reporter Serene Branson had a similar gobbledygook episode, while reporting live at the Emmy Awards, though in all fairness, Mark's Libya gibberish fest was much better.  While Ms. Branson and Mr. McAllisters respective brain farts were written off as various medical issues, I feel we are seeing the beginning of a new wave of journalism.

New wave, indeed.

With the ever growing and ever crowded field of digital journalists popping up from every major and minor cable, satellite, Internet and social network around the globe, the competition for good stories must be harrowing, but worse still must be the competition for reporters.  In the old days, when there were only three major American television networks, a large pool of 'reporters in training' allowed for a reasonable assurance of quality and professionalism, if not political objectiveness.

As with most things in life, mass production lowers quality. This fact is especially relevant when dealing with masses of drooling Liberal journalists striving to remake  the world in the image of Marx, Lenin and Lennon.

I've heard unconfirmed rumors that some major news networks are recruiting local high school students to be sent overseas to cover the ever growing number of American battle fronts. Considering the nature of the Liberal dominated public school system in this country, this is pretty disheartening news indeed.

So, with the quality of reporters slipping perilously below the drainage pond level and the ever increasing pressure to put out stories, as fast and furious as inhumanly possible, it's not surprising to see a couple of on air reporters have total meltdowns. I'm confident it's just the beginning, as the demands for new faces and new stories increase at a frenzied, manic pace. 

The frail psyche of the modern digital journalist is being forced to resort to any available form of medication and supplement to maintain their edge, often with hilarious results. The almost psychopathic drive to get the latest story and beat the ever approaching deadline can force the most stable mind to the edge of instability. Add in the need to distort the truth into a Liberal-Progressive-Socialist template... well, the pressure must be unbearable.

Speaking for myself, I am looking forward to seeing more and more of these self loathing, monomaniacal, Botox poisoned, anti-American talking heads melt down on live TV.  Perhaps the age of yellow journalism has passed, but I am looking forward with gleeful delight to the coming age of Red Bull journalism.

Stephen Guy Hardin

March 22, 2011.

I just watched the latest BMW commercial.

Great stuff, really. 

As a former BMW owner I can say with certainly that those crafty Krauts make a great vehicle.  As long as you don?t have to take it to the shop for repairs. Or maintenance. Or for anything that involves a mechanic and your American Express card.

But, I digress.

The best part of the BMW commercial was at the end when the Masters of Munich Motorcars promised that their newest models were the most CO2 efficient luxury car on the market.

CO2 efficient? Really ? What the hell does that mean?

I still can't find any report or survey or study that can definitively define the reality and the dangers of CO2, carbon or any of that Eco-green, Al Gore needs more settlement money for Tipper, voodoo science. 

If I hear another frantic, hair on fire, so sincere it huts to urinate,  Liberal rant about how the ice caps are melting and the Polar Bears are dying I am going to vomit on my keyboard. The Liberal fringe has such a strangle hold on the bourgeois marketing mindset of mainstream Madison Avenue, I wouldn't be surprised if BMW ran an ad promising the new BMW's would add to the lifespan of Polar Bears and expand the ice caps.

Seriously, what's next ?

Penguins driving the latest Porsche 911, while an ad blares out a new Kings of Leon song about Porsche driving Penguins, who have discovered a mystical power source that will make fossil fuel obsolete, thus saving mother Earth.  Well, I'm not sure about the Kings of Leon, but I'm pretty comfortable with the whole Penguins driving Porsche thing.

Of course, one must never discount those clever market savvy Japanese on something as cutting edge as animals driving cars for world peace.

I can almost see it now.

The latest Toyota Tundra 4X4 presented in a series of cross country, off road ads in which a rally team of Penguins compete against a rally team of Polar Bears racing the latest Toyota Tacoma 4X4. The voice over would be done by George Clooney and the grand finale will be a live TV event as the teams cross the finish line at Dufur. A half time style show would involve Sea Lions dancing to jumbo tron video trailers advertising the greatness of Matt Damon in his latest incarnation of Jason Bourne.

Oh, I forgot the Toyota 4X4's would be powered by CO2 efficient engines promising the smallest carbon footprint since the Porsche Panamera, BMW 7 Series and the flex fuel, mega hybrid , solar powered Hummer.

The global audience will be induced to watch the series arch of ads with breathless anticipation worthy of the Truman Show with the promise of a Grand Prize worth millions.  There will even be a live action interactive website where citizens  of the world can create their own videos offering up homespun advice on lowering the levels of the oceans and solving the predicted carbon crunch.

Carbon crunch, indeed.

Well, if you can call a Grand Prize of ten years worth of carbon credits a Grand Prize.